When we come to the end of ourselves in Christ, when we pay the price of seeking the hidden agenda of self—whether it be our unloved sorrow or the realization that the unending love and mercy we’ve shown others wasn’t as righteous as we once thought—we come to understand that the lifelong service to the rejection we faced unjustly created a monster of mercy that ran to help anyone and everyone.
Meanwhile, we forgave them no matter what they’ve done to us.
Some call it mercy or empathy, but after dying to self in a decades-long wilderness of ridicule and obedience to sacrifice to Christ, I am sure that the forgiveness was more a show of a lack of my own identity.
Therefore, I kept going back to love and help people who wouldn’t place a flower on my grave but would desecrate it instead.
Yet by submitting to Christ in totality and allowing Him to show me the darkest places inside myself to destroy that egotistical energy, and stop showing up for the degenerative demons who monopolized on my kindness to crush it like a pearl beneath the swine’s hoof, only then did I realize that as much as others tried to destroy me since birth, I allowed them to have the upper hand over me and called it kindness.
Yet, in Christ, He asked me to give up everything of this fallen world, and as the pain arose from the lowest part of the center of my temple, I was slowly healed.
Still, when one thing is mended, another wound would take its place.
And so on for nine years, the restoration inside me took place.
Now, for Christ, I bow before the Creator repeatedly to make sense of it all and how it applies to our broken world for His glory. It’s a long labor of selfless confrontation, often labeled self-conflict by those who have never shown the courage to heal as I have.
With my own shadow, I danced until nothing was left of my old self.
So, as the enemy of our souls and his worldly pawns stay hidden in the hope of suppressing the prophet’s voice while hiding their own fearful and ambiguous trauma and pain—the unstable judgment and contempt of the double-minded—I answered the unanswered cries of my own inner child.
By taking the hand of Jesus, He saw me through it bravely so that I can walk others out for the sake of the Gospel, souls, and bring glory to the name of Jesus Christ.
Yes, I groan before the Lord, weeping daily for the pain and suffering in the world caused by their lack of obedience to God and repentance.
Yet, I do not hate anyone.
I press my nose to the ground at Jesus’s feet, face the fire, and allow the spiritual chaos to burn away in the divine fire assigned to my life for a greater purpose than the limelight or fanfare, leaving me naked before the Lord.
Vulnerable.
And what is left is the undeniable Christlike strength, countenance, clarity, wholeness, and eagle’s eyes that see what the worldly are incapable of seeing as they surrender to every show of glamour and deception called political Christianity.
Today calls for national peace, but the genuine can’t acquiesce (agree) to those who don’t have peace but prominence earned by making deals to overcome the nationwide dilemma.
Until the truth comes out, it’s impossible to be changed by the unchanged, compromising those who idolize men or women because of their outward show of wealth or beauty.
As 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Romans 12:2 encourages us,
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by renewing your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Healing will come through Christ, through the healed; we paid a price that no one chipped in, but the crushing of our lives and flesh met with grace to equip the call to action.
As in Isaiah 53:5. To Jesus, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
And so we stand.
In Corinthians 12:9, Christ reminds us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Thus, confirming our truth as we are empowered to serve and fulfill the divine, apostolic, and prophetic calling placed upon us.
As Ephesians 4:11-12 says, “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.”
And 1 Corinthians 1:9 affirms, “God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
My Father in Heaven knows I speak that truth, and like Paul, I am called a liar.
My eyes don’t lie.
Much love and truth,
Sister Christine
C. Beach ©️
C. Beach